My first love was a fuckboy. If you know any psychology, you would see how this screwed my mind. I was naive and eager at that time. Apparently, he knew that and used it to his advantage. So he dished out his crap and I lapped it all up with hearts in my eyes. And I experienced pain, mental and emotional torture when we went our separate ways. 

Urban dictionary

Normally I would say focus on yourself and abandon the thoughts of ever being happy with a man, but some people still believe it’s possible. So I would keep that advice to myself and tell you instead, the ways of identitying the typical Nigerian Fuckboy. 

  1. He is good-looking. He obviously takes care of himself. He smells good, shaves, has pretty hair, perfect teeth and a sexy voice. Now I’m not saying all good-looking guys are fuckboys, but all fuckboys (in my experience) are good-looking. You may know a couple of ugly fuckboys, I don’t know.
  2. His tongue is abnormally sugar-coated. I have come to understand that guys normally have that feature but fuckboys swallow sugar drops every thirty minutes to keep their tongues extra sugarized. They can talk you into doing just about anything. You hear things like “Come on, send me a nude. You know daddy loves your beautiful body” or “I know you want me so bad. I want you so bad too, princess. Would you undress for me?”
  3. He has a crazed thirst for your body. Now listen, I’m not saying he has a crazed thirst for you. I’m saying he has a crazed thirst for your body. Note that there is a difference. A guy who is crazy about you would want to hang out and spend quality time with you. He would want to date you. He would show you off to his friends and put you all over his social media. A guy that’s into you would say “I want you to be my girlfriend. I’m ready to handle your sass and make you happy.” A fuckboy would say “I want us to be intimate. You know, like be having sex. We’ll decide whether or whether not to date after that.”
  4. He wants to sexchat and do all that phone sex all the time. He would call you up, talk you into masturbating to his voice on the other line and listen to you moan while he tells you all the nasty things he wants to do to your body. He would chat you up in the night and get really dirty. He would have you turned on over the phone and instruct you on how to touch yourself.  I won’t lie, it’s always pretty steamy and it makes you feel sexy and wanted. Especially if you are the type of female that doesn’t get that kind of attention on a normal day. 
  5. He has a girl he’s into and he makes it known. I like to think that he tells you this to give you boundaries. He has a girl he is interested in. And she is everything you are not. She is a God-fearing humble girl who frankly, is not even prettier that you. But he talks to you about her anyway so you can back off and know where you stand. One moment he’s “I really like you, sweetheart”, and the other time, he’s like “I like really like Tola. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me.” She’s not his girlfriend. He just likes her. At least, more than you. 
  6. He never uses you as his display picture or posts a picture of you on his social media, yet his gallery is full of pictures of your naked body. He uses other girls pictures and when you ask about them you get something like “Lol. She’s just my friend.” But think about it, you’re his ‘friend’ too and your picture has never been displayed by him for public viewing.
  7. He keeps coming back whenever you try to move on. Maybe you cut him off with the intentions of moving on with your life. Two weeks later, he’s sliding back into your DMs with “Hey, babe. I missed you.”
  8. He seems to never remember your name. He gives you all sorts of nicknames but just doesn’t call you your name. He calls you baby, babe, bae, boo, sweetie, cupcake, biscuit head, big head, kitty, tiny, lil’ mama, mami, sunshine and all of that nonsense. 
  9. He never brings up the ‘boyfriend’ talk but gets jealous when you get together with another guy. He doesn’t want to date you yet he doesn’t want another person to. 
  10. He always wants to meet at either his place or your place. Maybe he’ll ask you out to the movies for your first meeting (blind dates). But every other meeting would be at his place or your place so he can get really cozy and slide into your vagina.

There are a couple of things you’ll hear about fuckboys that are not exactly true. Like:

  1. They never call. On the contrary, they call even more than most of your normal buddies. And they talk a lot. One time, a fuckboy called me and we spoke for more than an hour. Do not be fooled. And do not even go thinking that he really likes you just because he calls. Fuckboys call too. 
  2. They never introduce you to their friends. Of course they would. But truth is, those friends know who he is and what you are giving to him. So he might as well as call you his babe, his friends know exactly what he is doing to you. And when you are walking away, they stay back smacking the air where your ass was and snickering to themselves. 
  3. They talk about sex sex sex. No, they do not. They would ask you about yourself, your dreams and aspirations. They do this to build trust so you’ll be able to send those sexy nudes later without hesitation. 
  4. They do not buy you stuff. They would get you a little something occasionally to keep you feeling loved and wanted. It could be food, earphones or something relatively cheap and unoriginal. 

So, if you weren’t sure of his true intentions, you should be sure now. He would show all these signs if he is a fuckboy.